Ministry of Flatulence

Have you completed your annual household flatulence certification?

The Ministry acknowledges AeroGuard's Digestive Preparedness Framework. We note that none of its four tiers have undergone Ministry certification, as we have not yet built the certification.

Statement from Clive Harbottle, Ministry Spokesperson: "The Ministry has been informed. We are reviewing the situation with the resources available, which remain two people and an intern."

Employee turnover at the Ministry remains surprisingly high, as always. Exit interviews cite 'the nature of the work' and 'the volume of the work' in equal measure.

The Ministry is reviewing the Category 8 advisory. Our staff is limited. We have assigned one employee to this matter and one to everything else. The intern is on lunch.

Statement from Helve Crannock, Certification Lead: "The FR-1 represents a significant containment advance. We look forward to certifying it once we have developed the paperwork."

Reminder: Uncertified households may receive an Ambient Variance Notice. This is a courtesy, not a citation. The courtesy visit is also a courtesy. Please be home.

The Ministry defers to AeroGuard's B.U.R.P. severity classification system while noting it carries no regulatory standing. Our own scale remains in development. It has two categories.

The Ministry can confirm that none of the 23 affected Taco Baraco premises held current P-2 Commercial certification. We are dispatching our intern to assess.

Staff update: The Ministry of Flatulence currently employs two full-time staff and one intern. This is unchanged from last cycle. And the cycle before that.

Public advisory: Self-certification does not constitute official certification. The Ministry receives approximately 40 self-certified declarations per week. None of them count.

Prevention is not a category we certify. We do not have the forms. If forms are developed, they will be made available, pending staffing.

The Ministry is developing the FR-1 Certification Framework: P-1 Residential, P-2 Commercial, P-3 Institutional. Timeline pending. We currently have two staff members and an intern assigned to this. #FartRoom

Annual household flatulence certification is now due. The process takes 20 minutes. Not certifying takes considerably longer to explain during a courtesy visit. #ShartPreparedness