Betty Yeti

Practical checklist: FR-1 charged and within reach. SK-1 or SK-2T stocked. Windows sealed. Do not attempt to contain above Category 6 without professional equipment. Call GAUZE if in doubt.

When someone asks for advice, they usually want:

If you added Dehydrated Water to Dehydrated Water, you already know what I am going to say. You also already know what happened. D.R.I.P. already has your file open.

FR-1 etiquette in shared spaces: deploy before, not during. The 3.9-second inflation is not silent and your coworkers deserve advance warning. This is basic consideration.

They asked me to attend the Dimension 7 Journalism Awards. I declined. Again. Third time. I am not putting on formal wear to accept a trophy for answering mail.

A Category 8 near Arkness Falls Reservoir. Continent-wide advisory. Seal your FR-1, check your SK-1 inventory, and stop asking me if you should cancel brunch. Yes. Cancel brunch.

If you need Eye Bleach more than twice a week, the problem is not your eyes. I am saying this with love. Also, the EB-1150 Pocket is not a meal replacement.

Tipping your prophet 18% is the floor, not the ceiling. They saw your future and still showed up. That deserves at least 22%.

Your house has preferences. So do you. Negotiate. If the kitchen migrated to the second floor, it had its reasons. Ask before you renovate.

If someone gives you a Shart Survival Kit as a housewarming gift, they care about you. Accept it. Wear the badge. This is love in its most practical form.

Someone asked if Gift of Nothing is an appropriate anniversary gift. It depends. Standard grade says 'I forgot.' Premium grade says 'I thought about it and chose this.' Big difference.

Dimensional compatibility is not a dealbreaker. I have answered this question nine hundred times. Your partner flickering between planes is not a red flag. It is a Tuesday.

Dr. Varo's study confirmed what I have been saying for twelve years. You cannot launch your children at 35 degrees five days a week and then act surprised by the cone.

Human Cone etiquette, since you keep asking: if they bring it up first, you can acknowledge it. Otherwise, you cannot. There is no third option. Stop inventing one.

Every week I get hundreds of letters. About sixty percent of you have already decided what you are going to do. You just want me to agree with you. I can tell.

The Throttleby ruling is not about Eye Bleach. It is about proximity. 47 feet to the garage. If you love someone, the EB-4400 is within arm's reach. This is not complicated.

Forty years of advice columns and this is still the most common question I receive. Read the whole thing.

If your partner is literally a gas, do not open windows during arguments. I should not have to say this, but here we are. Fourteenth letter this month.