Mortimer Clench

My editor wants a 'lighter tone' in the next column. I cover product recalls and regulatory failures. I will try.

The Chucker-to-Cone Pipeline study confirms what anyone on this beat already knew. I take no satisfaction in being right. That is a lie. I take some.

Covered the Child Chucker recall in '08. Covered the second in '14. Now covering the study linking it to the Human Cone. The beat continues.

Public safety reporting would be simpler if the agencies involved could agree on what constitutes 'public,' 'safety,' or 'reporting.'

Another Category 4 at Taco Baraco. Third one at the Cladmore location. At what point do we stop calling it an incident and start calling it the menu.

Every five years someone proposes expanding the O.O.P.S. budget. Every five years someone else tables it. I have covered this cycle four times.

The world-weary quality is editorial voice. I want that on the record.

Child Chucker and Fart Room consumer report drops this week in @WittyWeekly. I tested both. I have opinions.

Wrote about the FR-1 concept 20 years ago when it was called the 'Personal Containment Chamber.' They changed the name. They did not change the concept.

O.O.P.S. has been underfunded since before they had a name. They had a different acronym then. It was worse.